


Fear of the Water

by ItsyBitsy



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Depression, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-08-03 10:16:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16324334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsyBitsy/pseuds/ItsyBitsy
Summary: Suffocating. That's the only word that Peter could use to describe this emotion as.It was like he was back in that freezing ocean, tangled in his parachute and sinking into the depths of a black abyss. Water filled his lungs as the last bit of his air bubbled to the surface; except no matter how hard he fought to stay afloat, he saw everyone else around him breathing just fine.In which Tony Stark gives his life to save Earth from Thanos' attack. Peter is left behind to pick up the pieces of his shattered heart as he buries the man that he grew to see as a father.A drabble set during the aftermath of Thanos' attack (based after Avengers 4) - my first fanfiction for the fandom! Please read the tags carefully.





	Fear of the Water

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! This is my first post on AO3 and honestly, my first fanfiction for this fandom. I hope I wrote everyone okay! This is honestly just a drabble that I wrote during a depressive episode - it wasn't initially meant to be posted, but I received a lot of positive feedback from my roleplay friends, so I decided to share it here as well!
> 
> This fanfiction is based during the aftermath of Thanos' attack - and makes /assumptions/ about what is to happen in Avengers 4. It is not entirely canon - it is written before the movie has premiered. It depicts depression, a scene of a funeral, major character death, and sad Peter. If you don't wanna see that, please exit the tab! Otherwise, enjoy!

Suffocating. That's the only word that Peter could use to describe this emotion as.

It was like he was back in that freezing ocean, tangled in his parachute and sinking into the depths of a black abyss. No matter how hard he struggled, he couldn't get his head above water. Water filled his lungs as the last bit of his air bubbled to the surface; except no matter how hard he fought to stay afloat, he saw everyone else around him breathing just fine.

And the worst part about it? He didn't have Tony Stark to save him from these depths again. Ever since his mentor - and dare Peter say, _father_ figure - gave his life to save the universe, Peter could feel himself quickly drowning.

Peter wished he could forget. He wished with all his might that he could suppress the memories of that day, wished that he could trade his life to bring Tony's back. The man was a genius - true, he was also a playboy philanthropist, but nonetheless his presence on their Earth made such a big difference that the world felt empty with him no longer in it. He saved countless lives, had the courage of a lion - something that Peter could never hope to achieve.

As soon as Peter was brought back into this world after the snap, he had latched himself onto the gearhead and refused to let go. In similar fashion, Tony's arms had clung to the teen as though he would vanish again if Tony ever let go. It was the first and only time that Peter had seen the man shed tears. It was their first and only embrace. Vaguely, Peter could recall Tony whispering words of encouragement and endearment into his ear; but for the life of him, he could never recall exactly what those words were. He only knew that those words had been the last words ever spoken directly to Peter.

And then Tony let go of him, facing Thanos for the last showdown. Tony had refused to let Peter help him on this - and if Peter were totally honest with himself, he didn't argue as much as he _should_ have. He was just a scared teen, recently pulled from the depths of the afterlife in the soul world. He didn't _want_ to fight anymore, and it seemed that Tony knew that. But if Peter knew what would happen next, he could of jumped in - he would of stopped it from happening. He gladly would of given his life again in exchange for Tony.

But the universe doesn't always work out in our favor.

* * *

  
Brown doe eyes stared out of the car window as the funeral procession went underway. Peter, Pepper, and Happy rode in the first car behind the hearse. If anyone had a problem with it, nobody had outright spoken it - everyone in attendance knew just how close the teen had been to Tony Stark. The entire ride there, not a word was uttered in that car. It felt suffocating - but Peter preferred this over forced smiles and forced conversations. He didn't feel emotionally stable enough to put up a façade of strength.

The car gently pulled to a stop as they pulled into the parking-lot of the graveyard. Peter took the first steps out of the car, refusing to look at anyone near him. His head was downcast, shoulders slumped; a gentle winter breeze tickled the skin of his ears, causing him to pull up the hood of his jacket. As he glanced down at the piece of clothing, a pang of grief washed over him. This was a jacket that Tony bought for him - the man _insisted,_ saying that Peter's jackets were thin and cheap. It kept him safe from the cold of the winter morning, but it didn't protect him from the iciness he felt in his soul.

Peter made the short journey to the hearse, nodding towards the two men that filed out of the vehicle. They both gave him a look of sympathy and opened the back doors - the casket coming into view. An American Flag was draped over the casket belonging to Tony Stark. If he were still alive, Peter was sure he would be protesting about it - saying that it was something more suited for Captain America. The thought pulled a bittersweet smile from the teen as he fondly remembered all the times that Tony sh*t-talked Steve Rogers.

A hand gently placed on his shoulder tore him free from his musings, causing Peter to glance up. His gaze met Happy's and almost instantly, grief had flooded back into his entire being. The man looked absolutely shattered, wearing an expression of grief; not that Peter was much different, but the reality of the situation slowly began to settle in, making the experience feel all the more _real._

Peter and Happy stood patiently as the two men slowly pulled the casket from the hearse. Pepper, Natasha, Clint, and James Rhodes stood by their side silently and waited for their cue - and as soon as it was given, the group had assumed their positions around the casket. Each of them took a handle in their hands and lifted the casket with ease. Although the weight of the casket in Peter's hands was nothing compared to what he could truly lift, the emotional weight that it had pushed onto the teen nearly crushed him.

The group moved as one, walking in stride with one another as they carried the casket to a freshly carved hole in the Earth. There were a handful of other freshly dug graves near the burial site - belonging to the Avengers that didn't make it. Peter's eyes scanned over the fresh tombstones and he read the names aloud in his head.

Thor Odinson.  
Bruce Banner.  
Steve Rogers.  
Sam Wilson.  
Wanda Maximoff.  
Vision.

As Peter's eyes scanned the expanse of the fresh graveyard, his eyes finally fell on the final tombstone; Tony Stark.

Tears pricked at his eyes as he felt his resolve weakening, tearing his gaze away from the sight before him as he took in a sharp inhale. If anyone noticed, they didn't say anything.

The group stopped at the grave and stared down the six foot crater in the Earth, expressions downcast. Even Natasha seemed shaken up, allowing herself to show emotions for the first time that Peter has ever seen.

The funeral session went underway, the two men from before offering their eulogies and words of God - taking excerpts from the bible. Pepper's eulogy came next, followed by Natasha's. The rest of the group went through their own final words, but Peter drowned them out in favor of just staring at the casket. He was dragged from his musings as a gentle hand found his shoulder. He looked up to find Natasha staring down at him with concern. As he glanced around, he noticed everyone's eyes were now trained on him, and the teen felt his blood run cold. **"Peter - it's your turn."** The redheaded woman spoke with a surprisingly gentle tone - and it would have startled Peter if not for the circumstances.

The teen cleared his throat as he nervously picked at his fingernails, looking away from the casket and the crowd of people. **"As some of you may know, me and Mr. Stark.. we were close."** He paused to swallow the lump in his throat, but for some reason it wouldn't go away. It felt like he was choking. **"I've never met a man so kind.. so caring, who would putting himself before everyone else. No matter what happened to him, no matter where he was - if someone was in trouble, he would put his life on the line. He would drop everything for them."** A shaky exhale left his lips as tears freely streamed down his cheeks. The hand on his shoulder softly tightened its grip, and he continued.

 **"I wouldn't say that Tony Stark was my _dad,_ but since my parents died - he has been the closest thing I've ever had to a father figure. He took care of me. He laughed with me. He disciplined me. He protected me." ** Peter's eyes closed as he bit his lower lip, willing himself to continue. **"It's an odd thing, speaking at the funeral of the man that has served as the hero of my life. In the hours and days since his death, I feel as if I’ve lost my words. I suppose it is because he was the person that provided me with so many of them."**

Peter suddenly felt a smile tugging at his lips as he recalled the many meaningful conversations the two had - and many of the fights they had when Peter would purposefully disobey the man in order to prove a point. He wished he could have gone back in time, done things differently - he wished that he could of spent more time with Tony. He regretted ever making the man worry over him, and regretted ever having to let the man save him from his mistakes. Tony deserved better than what Peter gave him.

**"I know this probably doesn't matter now - I should have said this when he was still able to hear me. But honestly? I appreciated Tony so, so much. He was a constant in my life. One of the only people that knew of my secrets and accepted me for who I was without question. He didn't ask me to stop, he didn't discourage me from my calling - all he did was try his best to make sure that if I was doing something, that I was doing it right. He built me a multi-million dollar suit to make sure I wouldn't get hurt. He even installed a 'training wheels protocol', as he called it, to keep track of me and make sure I wouldn't be hurt."**

The smile on his lips widened as he almost chuckled to himself. Peter knew he was getting too personal about this, and he knew that he was risking his identity being revealed - but at this current moment in time, Peter didn't care. He just wanted to get these feelings off his chest. **"He was my everything. And now.. he's gone."** The teen's voice cracked at the end of his sentence, unshed tears ushering forth as he shook his head. **"He's gone, and I wish with every fiber of my being that it was me instead."**

The spiderling took in a harsh inhale as he clenched his fists, looking back towards the casket with a look of pure, unadulterated grief. **"I don't wanna say goodbye, Tony. I didn't want you to go. Why is it like this?"** His lower lip trembled as he fought back a choked sob in vain. Natasha pulled the teen into her arms and stroked his hair back, feeling her own tears threaten to spill as she listened to his heartbroken cries of grief - which borderlined screams. The other attendees of the funeral bowed their heads and remained silent, allowing Peter this time to let out his anguish. When it was clear that Peter wasn't able to continue speaking, the funeral session went forward - and the casket was lowered into the ground.

Despite how distraught Peter was, he insisted on helping bury Tony. He picked up a stray shovel and tossed the dirt over the casket. He didn't say a word - just silently worked with Clint and Happy as they covered the casket with dirt.

It took roughly thirty minutes for the casket to be completely covered, but they eventually finished the job and everyone slowly filed out. The only people who stayed were Peter, Pepper, Rhodey, and Happy as they stared down at the fresh grave. Peter had a suspicion that Pepper and Happy only stayed because they didn't want to leave Peter alone.

 **"You know.."** Peter began, stepping forward and trailing his fingers gently over Tony's tombstone. **"Everyone that has ever become a parent to me has died in some tragic way. It's not fair."** His voice sounded so broken - he sounded ten years younger than he was. " **Am I cursed?"**

Rhodey gave a soft sigh as he moved forward, placing a comforting hand on Peter's shoulder. **"No."** He responded, staring down the tombstone as though it would haunt him forever. **"Tones was always like this - he was always willing to sacrifice himself if it meant saving people. This is just who he was, Peter - and it's not your fault. Don't blame yourself over his death. He wouldn't want that."**

Peter remained silent after those words, and soon enough, Rhodey had excused himself without another word. It wasn't until thirty minutes later that Pepper stepped up and gently placed a comforting hand on Peter's shoulder. **"It's time to go, Peter."**

The teen looked up at her and felt a new wave of grief overtake him, trying to keep himself together and failing. Pepper saw this and pulled him towards her, allowing him to bury his face into her stomach as he sobbed. He stayed there for a few minutes before reluctantly pulling back, giving one last final look to the fresh grave that belonged to Tony Stark.

**"Goodbye, dad."**

If Peter could say that there was one thing in this world he was afraid of - it wouldn't be death. Hell, it wouldn't even be Thanos or the infinity gauntlet. It would be the fear of the water in which drowned him at this current moment as he staggered away from the graveyard.

**Author's Note:**

> Based off the song "Fear Of The Water" by SYML.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wbw6-jx6NU


End file.
